surrender

today a spiritual journal is reminding
me of the things i cannot let go of. i realized that the difficulty is coming from the fact that once i let go, my hands will be empty or at least that is how i see it.

what they are telling me now is Jesus is telling me to let go of these things and people so I can hold on to him.

so now, my simple prayer is that i learn how to let go and really let God. i want to let go of my fears about the uncertain future and karl, my current object of affection.

the future scares me a lot. i am built to worry about it constantly that it consumes my entirety. i fear that my i will never succeed in something i have no idea i want to do.basta ang alam ko may dapat akong gawin para maging matagumpay. kung anuman yun di ko pa sigurado kung ano.all i know is that whatever i am doing now career wise, natotoxican na ako. gusto ko ng isang trabaho na steady. nakakaprovide ako, nakakaipon at nakakagastos para sa sarili ko.

when it comes to karl,nasimulan ko naman kailangan ko lang ituloy. i need to remind myself that if i continue this way mapapahiya ako.parang di ko na rin mahal ang sarili ko.ayoko din siyang mawala bilang kaibigan ko kahit wala naman siyang natutulong sa akin.siguro meron naman.

kaya lord ang dasal ko lang ay mapagpatuloy ko ang dapat. if i let go of these doesnt mean my existence is useless, if i let go then God will fill my hands.

i am a control freak pero tamad ako. ang dapat ko ngaung gawin ay i lay down ang mga plano ko at lahat yun isurrender kay God para hindi naman ako nababaliw sa kaka isip.

basta alam ko kapag nasa panig naman Niya ako mananatili akong okay.