BREAKTHROUGH

What are the odds that in my lifetime I will never find someone that suits me?

The question in itself bears so many heartaches and potential meltdowns. Truth be told, I have placed myself out there -heart, mind, and soul and yet, nothing. The specks of time that traveled between my staring at this computer and wondering what to type has made the invisible, palpable. I am lonely. Maybe.

I have another looming heartbreak in my hands. An epic love story I have created in my head is dying. I cannot understand what I still want from him. We chat online and it's sexy hot but when we see each other and talk, he turns into an utter bore.

With all honesty and fairness to the person, he does not know what is hidden underneath my puns. I am guessing that if he likes me too, he will flirt back. Hmmm, maybe I do not need to write a lengthy blog about this and stick to the fact that he does not like me. Period.

{should you wish to tolerate me and my fantasies, please continue reading}

I am guessing that if he knows that I want to start somehting with him, he will give me a straight answer. We have had this friendship for almost two years and I have been emotionally occupied with other guys in between when I realized, I kinda sorta like him. This "like" is more of a grown up thing. What I want to have with him is the answer to my question. So last Friday, I confronted my feelings at the risk of losing his friendship.

It was a success on my part, I was able to carry out my mission, as planned. Whatever I felt for him was partially platonic and in person he offered little to pique my interest. But it would be hard for me to veer away from him. I had become his virtual companion but when we do something virtually - talk, chat and anything confined in that arena, I would be attracted to him. Oh, the conflict.

If I stick to the first linear, then the conflict would dissipate. Now, the plan must start. Okay, tomorrow.